Struggling Towards Comprehension
by Warriorsong
Summary: REVERSIONED. The Instrumentality of Individuality or lack thereof. Can be taken from the perspective of multiple characters.


**Struggling Towards Comprehension**

R E V E R S I O N E D

A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction

By Nicholas Paul Clark (Warriorsong)

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"You have yet to understand."

"What?"

"The body, it is merely a vessel for the mind, just as the mind bears the soul. All three, a triumvirate, effecting the other and ruled by desire and longing. Physical sensation and lust, driving the body, the drive for understanding in turn fuelling the mind."

"What does the soul want?"

"Completion. To be acknowledged as free of the other two, yet as a part as well. The soul moves on its own, yet for a time it is confined by the mind and body, trapped in a prison of longing and desire, for things that ultimately, hamper and slow the quest for understanding and the ultimate truth."

"What ultimate truth?"

"That we are alone. That in the end self-affirmation is all we have, and by accepting and acknowledging that, we can accept others."

"But if we need others, then that means we don't want to be alone."

"Want is a residue of body and mind. Want is desire; longing for something we will not understand but crave on a base level. But in the end, the you, is all that remains, defined and in solitude."

"But I don't want to be alone."

"Don't look for me anymore."

"That's good for you."

"And there you have it. You seek the acceptance of others, to fortify your mind and strengthen your body. It means nothing. You are you, individual, an instrument via mind and body of a soul searching. Searching for its counterpoint.

"So we live to find another?"

"No you live to find yourself, and through understanding yourself, you can accept others and become one with them, and begin the cycle anew."

"You speak in riddles and ambiguous cyclation."

"Life is a riddle. And an ambiguous cyclation. Of pain, confusion and doubt. You remember these, they define you. You learn from the darkness, so you will appreciate the light."

"So life is pain."

"No. Life is life, pain is pain. To define it as something else is an illusion of self, a depreciating label to distract from the ultimate truth you long for, that you desire. But pain enables you to know pleasure, and appreciate it, again distracting from that ultimate truth."

"What truth?"

"Whatever truth you want."

"But truth is a variance on the perception we face everyday."

"Correct, there is always a variance of truth. His, mine, yours, hers, all variant but irrelevant to the fact."

"That the truth is what really happens regardless of perception?"

"Correct."

"But if we perceive the world, we perceive it differently. Individual experiences rate the world in different lights and spectrums, so in turn any individual perception is removed from the truth by the sheer fact it is perceived, which means that there is no truth."

"Incorrect. The truth of what we perceive is the truth in what we believe."

"But if such a truth is different for everyone, each individual, there is no real truth, it is merely fragmented by perception."

"Correct."

"Then what you say and what you mean are two different things. Defining and labelling something under one's individual truth, that sets us apart from the truth of others, creating a separate world, separating us from others, in turn meaning we can never understand ourselves as others understand us, meaning we are facets of a disparate soul, defined by body and mind, hampered by form.

"Lose that form."

"Death?"

"Not death, death is an improper term. Perception defines all, be it mind, body or soul. Change you perception."

"But if I change my perception, I cease to be me and become another."

"Thus completing yourself."

"But I am no longer myself."

"Define yourself."

"Me."

"And is the you that you perceive, the same you that she, he or they perceive. By your logic, it would be a negative affirmation. Which means that you are not you, but an amalgam of what all perceive, even those you do not know, should they perceive you."

"They don't know me."

"You do not know yourself."

"That makes no sense!"

"Does anything?"

"No."

"Then that is the first step. Understanding that there may be no understanding, is the first step to understanding."

"I don't understand."

"Precisely."

"So if the ultimate truth is that we exist alone, but perception defines reality, I can choose to be not alone, thus changing the nature of my reality?"

"But by doing so, you change the nature of the realities of those you make contact with, even by their simple perception of you, be it even at a glance."

"But, I don't want to be alone. It scares me. No one wants that, do they?"

"That is for them to decide."

"So I can choose to alter my reality, but in turn I affect that of others but it can only affect them if they are open to it, just as I can become open?"

"Presumably."

"I still don't understand!"

"Congratulations, that's good for you."

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Disclaimers

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Standard disclaimers apply. Neon Genesis Evangelion, Shinji Ikari and related characters were created by Hideki Anno, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and are copyright Project EVA, Gainax, NAS, Tokyo TV and ADV Films.

If any of this information is incorrect or absent, I offer my most humble apologies. No copyright infringement is intended, this is merely a work of fan fiction. I am in no way affiliated to any of these organizations, companies or individuals. Thank you for reading.

Finished 25 July 2003. By Nicholas Paul Clark. Reversioned 9th January 2008. Okay so the disclaimer says Shinji Ikari but it could be any of the characters. It's coming from a slightly more intellectual level than what Shinji exists in so it's easily read as any of the main female characters also. I feel more Ritsuko inclined when I read it but I'll leave that up to you. Obviously this is in the self discussion phase of Instrumentality, where Shinji sets his boundaries and the children discuss themselves through the eyes of others. Good stuff.


End file.
